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A Little Franny, a Little Zooey
Nov. 8th, 2001 11:24 pmI'm feeling a little lost tonight.
I've been feeling more than a little lost for some time, now. Not necessarily because of my own life issues, but more because of my perception that everyone else is perceiving my life issues to be much bigger and overwhelming than they actually are.
I think that's maybe what it is. It has to be, right? When I have been working so hard these past several months to make these life changes make sense, to make them work to my advantage, to make the daylight brighter and the nighttime shinier? Why, at this time when I need people most, do people detach, fade away, like fogged breath on a cold window?
Maybe I give off the wrong vibe. Maybe I'm sending the wrong signal. I am reading Pyschic Body Language For Dummies, and it's telling me that perhaps my chakras are not aligned because I am not brushing my tongue with my toothpaste in addition to brushing my teeth. If I can do that as well as sacrifice dust bunnies to Buddha Bunny, I should be all set, barring any sort of Feng Shui screw-ups in my pantry, of course.
Move the instant potatoes next to the peanut butter, stat!
I dunno. I am feeling sad and down and stuff, but not to the point that I just want to be left alone ... if anything, I am in exactly the opposite state. I want to be around people, I have cajoled people to be with me, I have made an effort to make plans, to find out about how my dearest and nearest are doing, and ... the feeling I get at the end of the day is that I have Scott, I have one or two friends possibly checking in, I have my boss Tom, I have ... myself.
Myself and this quiet apartment and the whirring scanner and my own thoughts and MY GOD I am going to go crazy if someone doesn't call me soon and sweep me off my feet and shower me with oodles of attention.
Fear me, I am Needy and Pathetic. I am not normally like this, at least, not for a long time. Right now, I just need people to be around me, and about me, and I about them.
Right now, the phone is mostly silent (mmm, telemarketers), and the e-mail inbox is full of spam.
Sigh.
I've been feeling more than a little lost for some time, now. Not necessarily because of my own life issues, but more because of my perception that everyone else is perceiving my life issues to be much bigger and overwhelming than they actually are.
I think that's maybe what it is. It has to be, right? When I have been working so hard these past several months to make these life changes make sense, to make them work to my advantage, to make the daylight brighter and the nighttime shinier? Why, at this time when I need people most, do people detach, fade away, like fogged breath on a cold window?
Maybe I give off the wrong vibe. Maybe I'm sending the wrong signal. I am reading Pyschic Body Language For Dummies, and it's telling me that perhaps my chakras are not aligned because I am not brushing my tongue with my toothpaste in addition to brushing my teeth. If I can do that as well as sacrifice dust bunnies to Buddha Bunny, I should be all set, barring any sort of Feng Shui screw-ups in my pantry, of course.
Move the instant potatoes next to the peanut butter, stat!
I dunno. I am feeling sad and down and stuff, but not to the point that I just want to be left alone ... if anything, I am in exactly the opposite state. I want to be around people, I have cajoled people to be with me, I have made an effort to make plans, to find out about how my dearest and nearest are doing, and ... the feeling I get at the end of the day is that I have Scott, I have one or two friends possibly checking in, I have my boss Tom, I have ... myself.
Myself and this quiet apartment and the whirring scanner and my own thoughts and MY GOD I am going to go crazy if someone doesn't call me soon and sweep me off my feet and shower me with oodles of attention.
Fear me, I am Needy and Pathetic. I am not normally like this, at least, not for a long time. Right now, I just need people to be around me, and about me, and I about them.
Right now, the phone is mostly silent (mmm, telemarketers), and the e-mail inbox is full of spam.
Sigh.
