2005-08-05

Make sure to purchase the option for an interior or remote release for your swank SUV's back hatch or storage area. You're a busy man, and having to wait a few extra seconds for the security guy to peer in your tinted back windows to make sure you're not carrying a bomb is a few extra seconds you could be smoothing your hair and making some sweet deals. You've just gotten a hot lead on your Blackberry, baby, and you always regret those minutes spent in your climate-controlled underground parking garage without good signal, so you just wish that that guy would hurry up and determine, for the fourth time this week, that you're not a terrorist. Also, your lack of a push-button release has given those pedestrians, those schlumps who seem to delight in shambling across the keycard entrance drive to the lot beneath one of the tallest buildings in the world -- you've given them an excuse to scurry (or not) in your way! You'd rather not scowl because, well, you can't, because of the Botox. But you'd rather just not waste the energy, either. Not on these sorry, sad drones (the very ones you're marketing to and pulling profit from, but don't let it worry your well-manicured brain).

You are in downtown Chicago, and you have things to do, man.